angienano ([info]angienano) wrote,
@ 2007-11-11 00:01:00
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Chunk 9
I discovered tonight, right after posting my numbers, that I had my NaNo account set to the wrong timezone; it was an hour east. [facepalm] I was wondering why my graph looked off, duh. It's fixed now, although today's numbers are still registered to tomorrow (which is today right now, but anyway), but at least it should start registering correctly tomorrow night. All this time I've been scrambling for midnight and NaNo thought it was one. I'd just been figuring I was late a lot, that the site was slow or whatever. :P Anyway.... Good day today; I made up some more slack. :)



[EDIT: Dammit, the counter's off again. It looks like it takes a while for the correct number to get down the pipeline or something. :/ I'm actually up to 15,039. /EDIT]

============
"I don't suppose mentioning that I'm the only reason you're alive now would help?" he asked over his shoulder.

Luka made a contemptuous-sounding grunt from behind his gag. You didn't thank a man for saving your life when he just wanted you as a fuck-toy.

"I didn't think so," Roscha said, standing up with some items in his hands. "Having you be properly grateful would've been the easiest solution, though, so I had to try."

He sat back down beside Luka and set a small wooden box on the covered basket next to the bed. "Listen, then."

Roscha had a small but sharp looking knife in one hand and Luka made it a point to give anyone with a weapon at least some fraction of his attention. Was Roscha going to kill him now after all? That didn't make any sense, but then none of this cursed situation made sense.

"When the Temple of Baruno -- the Patriarch, that is, speaking Baruno's wishes -- urged war on Ruvor, he said that the god demanded it" Roscha explained, speaking quickly. "That there was some evil being plotted here, something foul which would bring darkness and plague upon the world if it succeeded. The Patriarch said so, claimed that Baruno had come to him in a vision and revealed it. I'm not sure how much faith the Emperor had in the prophecy, but he was happy enough to have an excuse to come make a try for your city. Running an empire takes a constant flow of wealth and this city is very rich."

Luka had heard some tale of a divine curse but had discounted it as either false gossip or merely an excuse the Molani were spreading. He still thought so; gods hardly ever involved themselves directly in mortal affairs, certainly not in the heart of civilization.

Those who were meant to tend to the divine needs and speak for the gods, however, were very likely to take advantage of their position, and try to manipulate events to their own advantage. This Patriarch, or perhaps the Emperor himself, had seen a pile of gold sitting to the east and decided to come take it, with the stamp of the Molani moon god to cast a veil over their greed.

"That was all fine and nothing new, although hard on your folks, I'll admit," Roscha continued. "But Baruno demanded that all of the Ruvori men be killed."

Wait, all? All? They never did that, even the Molani never did that. They were brutally efficient at getting what they wanted but how did it benefit them to slaughter all of the Ruvori men? They were in the habit of taking slaves in appalling numbers, and a slave was valuable, could be used or sold. Killing valuable slaves was like casting money into the sea.

And at least a slave could have some hope of escape, or even of being freed, as a reward for some deed or at his owner's death. Some Molani freed their slaves when they died, hoping they'd be grateful, and offer prayers and sacrifices to beg the gods to show mercy on the departed soul.

Suddenly his own slavery seemed to be a slightly lesser evil, despite his earlier thoughts of preferring death. Of course, if Luka could die after killing Roscha himself, he'd still do it. But that was personal, that was just himself. The Molani had really killed all of the Ruvori men?

Luka had been overwhelmed defending his school and his students. He'd seen some of his boys fall but had assumed they'd been subdued, knocked down, enslaved like himself. He'd been beaten senseless and carried away to the palace, for the Molani give-away feast, and had assumed the others had been similarly... distributed. But killed? All of them? He was still having a hard time comprehending the overwhelming bulk of the slaughter, of fitting it into his imagination, but what shreds of the image had so far managed to force their way in were gouging bloody shreds out of his soul.

Luka could see that Roscha was upset by it as well. Or by something, at least. Impatience, puzzlement and a hint of fear flowed across his face, bringing an urgent cast to his features.

"We were supposed to kill all of you." Roscha glanced up at the door, then spoke more quickly. "But one hundred were saved, for the duke's victory ritual. It was just... what one does, and I suppose we couldn't believe that Baruno truly meant that every single one must be killed." He lowered his voice and went on in a harsh whisper, as though he feared someone crouching outside the door to listen, "You saved my life and I'll not ignore that obligation. I made sure you were one of the hundred. We were told the one hundred most beautiful men in the city and you--" He cut himself off and closed his eyes for a moment, his jaw working on some words he was determined to swallow.

Roscha shifted on the bed and straddled Luka's hips so he was sitting on him. For an instant Luka was afraid he was going to be raped again, but there was nothing sexual in Roscha's demeanor when he went on. "But one of Baruno's arch-priests objected. I left him arguing with the duke but he'll likely win one way or the other. They'll kill all the men left in the hall first, then they'll come for those who'd been taken out. We have to do this and you must cooperate." Roscha's lips quirked in a sideways smirk. "I know you must want a chance to kill me yourself. This is the only way you'll get it. Survive and bide your time! Follow me and we'll save your life, so you can decide later what to do with it."

He didn't wait for Luka to acknowledge him, but took the small knife and stabbed the tip of it into Luka's chest, into the thick muscle over his heart, then began to carve.

Luka made a loud, pained noise, the bellow startled out of him. He clenched his teeth on the stick in his mouth, grateful for it for the first time that day, and lay there with his eyes clenched shut, determined to stay silent. Roscha kept talking while he worked.

"This hasn't been necessary since my grandfather's day," he whispered, "but that priest is going to be a bastard for the rules and rituals, so we're doing it. Taking you before witnesses should have been enough, and would have been any other time. But he obviously hadn't even thought of it, or was disregarding it if he had. So we're doing this up properly and no one will be able to dispute it."

Roscha was slicing Luka's flesh open in short strokes -- stab, carve, stab, carve -- and Luka was panting with the sharp, tearing pain of it. He could feel blood trickling down the side of his chest and hoped the bed cover was ruined with it.

"There." Roscha wiped the blade off on the covers and dropped it, then picked up the box. He opened it, licked his fingertip and dipped it in, bringing it out covered with crushed, white crystals. "This is going to hurt," he warned, before smearing the salt into whatever design he'd carved.

Luka couldn't prevent the scream from escaping, nor cut it off once he'd begun. The pain went all the way through him and he'd no strength left for fighting it off.

"I'm sorry," Roscha murmured. He kept going, though, rubbing salt into every part of the wound. "This will make sure it scars, so it'll always show. It's permanent. Some people do this with a hot iron, but that's barbaric. Even if it weren't, I haven't got a hot iron. That's faster, I'll grant. And might hurt less, since it's over with all at once. But this is older, more likely to hold up to a challenge. I'm sorry, I know it hurts. We have to or they'll kill you. Hang on, I'm nearly done."

The man was babbling and Luka could almost believe that what he was doing bothered him, if he hadn't been focused on the pain exploding in his chest. He thrashed and jerked, but Roscha's weight kept him pinned in place for the torture. One more thing to hate him for.

"There. We'll have to wait a while before rinsing it out. That'll help keep foul spirits out of it anyway -- they fear salt."

Luka was lost in a dark fog of pain. He struggled to leave it but it huddled around him and clung. He hardly noticed that Roscha had the knife again and was cutting him loose, freeing his wrists from the bedpost and removing the stick from his mouth.

"You nearly bit that in half," Roscha murmured. "I'm sorry. We're almost done. I've accepted you as my slave, now you need to accept me as your master. I need you to do this, Luka. You need to do this." Roscha tugged him off the bed and Luka's legs collapsed under him, spilling him to the floor. They were still numb and aching, fighting for supremacy with his sliced-up chest.

He heard a cluster of footsteps and loud voices out in the corridor. Roscha must have heard them too because he grabbed Luka by the arms and hauled him up into a kneeling position. He left him there swaying and tore at the laces on his breeches. For the second time that night, Luka was threatened with another man's cock, but this time it was much closer, bobbing right in front of his face.

"Luka!" Roscha hissed at him. "You have to do it! They'll kill you if you don't accept me!"

A fist pounded on the door and a hesitant voice called out, quickly drowned out by a much harsher one. They spoke Pilen, and Luka had never learned more than a few words of the Molani language, but he could guess they were demanding entry.

Roscha ignored them. "Luka, please!"

His "master" sounded near desperate and Luka fought for some clarity of mind, pushing the pain back enough to think, if only shallowly. He considered just ignoring them all and letting them kill him. Then it would be over. Everything he knew was gone -- his school, his students. His mother and sister had been handed over to some other Molani bastards and were likely lying somewhere covered in foreign spunk. Even if he escaped, he'd never find them. Tochi was dead, and the other boys who'd looked to him for teaching and protection. He'd failed them all.

Whoever it was outside had become impatient and the door slammed open, much as it had when Roscha had come thundering in. Only this time there were more of them. Luka saw one of the slaves who'd hauled him in earlier, and a man in fine grey robes, and two more in grey livery who held longknives already stained with blood.

On the other hand, he could get some revenge before dying. Roscha wanted his mouth -- Luka could give it to him, and do his best to unman him before the priests killed him. He'd have company on the road to the next world.

Although there'd be plenty of company already, from what Roscha had told him, even without adding one more.

The Molani babbled back and forth, Roscha and the priests finally shouting at each other. The one in robes bellowed a command and the two with the knives strode forward.

Roscha pushed between them and Luka, blocking them with his body. "Luka, do it!" His eyes whipped around the room as though searching for something, then he shook Luka by the shoulders and hissed, "Tochi's alive!"

Luka's head snapped up and he stared at him.

"I made sure he was chosen! I pointed a friend at him, a man who'd treat him gently. He's alive and we can find him, buy him if you like. Don't leave him alone!"

Fuck. Roscha was probably lying. He just wanted Luka for himself and he'd proven that lies came easily to his tongue.

But what if he wasn't?

A dark-stained hand tried to pull Roscha away from Luka. Roscha turned and snapped something short and imperious-sounding at him and the hand was jerked back. The two priests were determined, though, and shoved around, Roscha. One had his knife drawn back.

Fuck. He couldn't take the chance.

Luka grabbed at Roscha's hips and yanked him forward, took his limp cock in his mouth and sucked.

He'd hardly had time to get a flavor of him, sweaty and musky, before Roscha pulled away and shoved the priests back. He snarled something at the one in the robes, something about family. He pointed back at Luka, and said that he was Molani now.

Luka stared at Roscha's back, his eyes widened in horror and anger. What the fuck had they done?

He looked down at his chest for the first time and saw that Roscha had carved an M over his heart, with a linked S and A. M for Molani? That was his wonderful idea, to convince them that Luka had become a Molani? What, did every man who wanted to be a Molani citizen -- and Luka knew there were many clamoring for what they saw as a great privilege -- have to suck a royal cock?

The two priests with the knives were looking back and forth between Roscha and their leader in the robes.

Roscha invoked the name of their emperor somehow. The priest sneered at him, but eventually backed away. There was a final exchange of threats, then the priests turned and went away.

The door closed behind them and Luka felt a wave of relief. No matter what he'd been thinking earlier, he didn't want to be cut down by some holy thug with a knife.

Roscha waited only a few moments, long enough for the footsteps out in the corridor to fade away, then hauled Luka to his feet. "We have to go," he said, yanking Luka toward the door. "And you have to come with me. If I leave you here, they might come back and if I'm gone they're likely to kill you anyway and apologize to my father after. Come."

Luka balked and yanked back. He said, "I'm not going out there naked!" His mouth was still stiff and stinging and it came out a slur, but Roscha obviously understood.

"You're a slave, no one gives a fuck if you're naked! We have to get to Bayon and tell him what works before they kill Tochi!"

That-- was different. Luka grimaced but followed, letting himself be yanked along by one arm.

They ran along the hall until they came across a pair of slaves on some errand. Roscha stopped them and spat a question. One shrugged but the other pointed back the way they'd come and babbled some instructions. Luka recognized a "right" and "left" repeated a few times, before Roscha swore and yanked him away again, running faster.

Three corridors and five turns later, Roscha banged on a door, then burst in. "Where is he? Do you have salt? I should've brought -- where is he?"



(31 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]liriel1810
2007-11-11 08:17 am UTC (link)
Holy fuck! And I thought I was evol to my characters! You're wicked, Angie! Poor Luka, he'll never be able to walk freely in his own land again, will he.

I'm guessing here's where we say goodbye to Tochi? *is sad*

Now what is Roscha/Arden going to do?

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[info]angienano
2007-11-11 10:20 am UTC (link)
Thank you, thank you! [curtsy] ;)

Well, if Luka puts on a shirt it'll cover the scar. But yeah, he's pretty well marked and not just physically.

I'm sort of regretting the language thing. :/ It makes sense that each culture would have its own language, and for that matter there are probably a number of languages spoken within the Molani Empire (of which this is now a part -- get the cartographers busy), but the scene with the priests would've been more effective if I could've shown exactly what everyone was saying. Bother. :( Something I'll think about for the rewrite.

R/A is planning to get Bayon to take Tochi as a slave in accordance with the old rules and rituals so he'll be safe, and then probably stick around until the priests have come and gone, since he himself has more clout to use against them (being a prince) than Bayon does as a mere baron. Although he doesn't seem to see Tochi in Bayon's room. :/ That could be bad. We'll have to see tomorrow.

Thanks, hon. :D

Angie

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[info]alea_nano
2007-11-11 11:08 am UTC (link)
I'm going to comment here, since part of it is about what you just said. You could do the same scene again, later, perhaps in Arden's memory (or just sections of it) and with it being from Arden's perspective you could have the dialogue. It could be soon if the words are necessary, or much later if not - perhaps as a way of reminding the readers what Arden had done to contrast it with what was going on at the time, or something?

Also, you need to write quickly. I'm worried about Tochi!

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[info]angienano
2007-11-11 11:13 am UTC (link)
I thought of that but I'm feeling pretty iffy. :/ One of the things I hate about "collaborations" where the writers tag back and forth is the insistence so many of the writers have for showing every scene from both main characters' points of view. You're constantly jumping back in time to re-watch something you've already seen from Joe's POV when it was Bob's before, and the only new info you get out of it most of the time is a dozen or twenty words of reaction or internal dialogue from Joe, which is rarely vital to the plot or even terribly interesting. So I have this gut-reflex rejection of anything that looks like that.

In this case it might work and if I can figure out a way of doing it in the next chapter, I will. I think more likely, though, I'll have a scene later on where Arden explains to Luka exactly why he did what he did, and what it means -- the whole familia thing. That way, any readers who didn't pick up on it will get a fuller explanation too.

And yeah, Tochi needs to be worried about. :/ More tomorrow!

Angie

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[info]alea_nano
2007-11-11 11:47 am UTC (link)
Oh I absolutely am not suggesting that you repeat this scene from Arden's POV. Reading what I wrote, I guess that's not clear. What I meant was to take a bit of it and have Arden think about it (or explain it to Luka, yes) later on. Even if it's just considering what the priests said to see if he has any more loopholes or something. I think the only time the repetition of a scene as a whole works is if one character sees what happens completely differently to another, say if it reveals that what we were shown the first time was a complete misreading of what was going on or something. If it doesn't add anything then it's a waste of space and time.

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[info]angienano
2007-11-11 02:53 pm UTC (link)
I'll agree with you there, about the waste. :P

The thing is, the point where Arden spat out his little "Nyah nyah!" speech to the arch-priest was a major tension point. It has the greatest impact on the reader right then, when it's first done. Any sort of repetition, whether an actual replay (ick) or a memory or an explanation to Luka, will be secondary. No matter what I do, it'll never have the punch with the reader that it would've had if I'd been able to do it in a language the reader understood, right then as it was happening. That's what I'm grouching about. Having that scene be from Luka's POV, with him not understanding the language, is what's killing this. [sigh]

I'm just going to keep going, but it's something I'll be thinking about for after November. If I can think of a way of rearranging this somehow so that the reader sees it for the first time from Arden's POV, that'd be best. Or just ditching the whole thing with different languages...? But I hate fantasies (or SF for that matter) where everyone in the universe speaks the same language, even when they shouldn't. :/ I don't know. I don't like it, but I can't see a good way to fix it.

Angie

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[info]alea_nano
2007-11-11 03:01 pm UTC (link)
Fair enough. Having the whole scene from Arden's point of view does mean that you lose Luka's decision to save himself. That said, you would gain tension from the fact that Arden really doesn't know whether Luka will do it or simply let himself be killed. After all, he has pretty much lost everything - telling him Tochi is still alive is Arden grabbing at straws to motivate Luka into wanting life, it seems to me.

I agree that you should just move on. You can certainly tell what's going on and maybe it doesn't matter that you don't get the dialogue. Decide about it when you let the editor back into your head.

As to the language thing in general, that's what I'm tangled up in right now. I don't want them speaking different languages, because I can't be bothered to spend ages with someone learning the other person's language and all the tangle and delay and miscommunication. That's not what this story is about. And I don't have a situation where one of them might know the other's - no undercover princes here. ;) I think I'm settling on it being a dialect difference rather than a language difference, because they aren't necessarily different countries, or even very far apart. So I think they can't immediately speak to each other fluently, but not everything is different. I may decide to change that in a rewrite, but for now it seems a possible (if somewhat clunky) compromise.

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[info]angienano
2007-11-11 03:29 pm UTC (link)
I forgot to mention that I'm also anal enough to want to keep the rotation -- Luka's POV, Arden's POV, Luka's POV, etc. So shifting this scene over to Arden's POV means inserting enough (significant) stuff into Chapter Three (Luka's POV chapter) to bump the "Nyah nyah!" scene (legitimately) over into Chapter Four. That means finding a few thousand more words of stuff for them to legitimately be doing, or at least for Luka to be doing -- maybe with the two slaves before Arden comes in? -- such that it doesn't look like I'm stalling or feel like the story's dragging. [headdesk]

Yes, for later. [nod]

With your guy taking off in his airship, I think you've got an easier time of it. I can buy that on a (reasonably) technologically advanced world, a lot of people will speak the same language, or at least believably have a language in common, even if the common language is a foreign language to one or both of the parties speaking. Advanced tech means advanced communication, which means it's to the benefit of more people to have a language in common, or a few very common languages. So unless your airship guy (whose name I forget right now :/ ) transfers to a spaceship somewhere and heads for a planet full of aliens, you can probably just have everyone in the story speak the same language and I for one wouldn't wonder about it.

What really bothers me is when everyone speaks the same language in a setting where they shouldn't. Especially in a fantasy setting where you have characters from a variety of countries or kingdoms or whatever, or an SF setting with space explorers setting foot for the first time on Planet Whatever, and chatting it up with the natives with no explanation. Star Trek had the universal translator, but only used it in a few episodes. I liked the early episodes of Enterprise because they had to work to communicate with all these alien species, but they moved away from it too after a while. The Stargate movie was great for that -- no one understood each other except Daniel, and even he made some mistakes which were used as plot complications.

Depending on how far Airship Guy travels, it might be perfectly acceptable for him to be chatting with the locals. Or in a highish-tech environment -- depending on what their communication systems are like, and how cheap transport is, even if it is by blimp -- it might work just fine to have the whole planet speaking the same language, or at least the more cosmopolitan populations. Depends what you want to do with both the setting and the plot.

no undercover princes here

LOL! Just as well. It'd be too hokey to use more than once. ;)

Angie

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[info]alea_nano
2007-11-11 03:36 pm UTC (link)
He's Thomas, and my problem with the easier communication in a more technologically advanced civilization will become apparent when you see who he meets. There is another city in the future of the story which I was intending to have speak Thomas's language (even though it's a city he's never heard of, that's another bit of plot though) but the people he's currently trying to communicate with are not people with whom his city has much communication. That said, they do have some, so a linguistic link, even a dialect of the same language seems plausible.

With regard to being anal, you are speaking to someone who has her bookshelves divided by category and then alphabetized. I completely understand.

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[info]angienano
2007-11-11 03:57 pm UTC (link)
Divided by nonfiction subject and fiction genre, then alpha by author, then alpha by title, except for series which are shelved chronologically...? ;) Wow, I don't know anyone who's that anal! [innocent humming]

And that makes sense as you explain it, the fact that it might be sticky. I'll have to see how you work it out. [nod]

Angie

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[info]alea_nano
2007-11-11 04:04 pm UTC (link)
Ahh, you have me beat. You're on about par with my boyfriend! The only problem we ever have is choosing nonfiction subject categories - or deciding which category a book comes under, to be more precise, and where the boundaries lie.

I'm about 2k beyond the bit most recently posted, and if I possibly can I want to be over 9k tonight (which is another 2k from where I am currently). If I can keep that up I should be caught up by Wednesday. :)

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[info]angienano
2007-11-11 04:12 pm UTC (link)
I don't have a problem dividing up the fiction; I usually just go by however the publisher's marketing department decided to shelve it. [wry smile] I only have to stop and think sometimes with the history. I have that divided up by place, and then by time within place. Which only really counts for England, France and Italy, which are the only places I have a significant number of books for, from different times. The rest are just generally chronological. But when I have a book that covers more than one country, or more than one era, that gets me squinting. Top shelf is for General Historical reference, like historical atlases and that sort of thing, but something like Wedgewood's exploration of a dozen regions over a thousand years gets me tearing my hair. :/

And wow, you're zooming right along! I just found out I do have another story to write for Christmas-ish, deadline currently unknown, so when I hit a NaNo roadblock I'll have something else to turn to, once I figure out what I'm doing. [laugh/flail]

Angie

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[info]alea_nano
2007-11-11 04:36 pm UTC (link)
My history divides pretty easily based on areas of interest, but I do have a "general" section for things that don't fit. Antonia Fraser's "Warrior Queens" is currently floating about unclassified.

And yes, currently zooming. How long I can keep it up for I don't know. I want to prove to myself I can do it though.

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[info]angienano
2007-11-11 04:41 pm UTC (link)
I want to prove to myself I can do it though.

That is the whole point of NaNo, isn't it? My husband doesn't get it, although I tried to explain. All he can see is millions of words being written that no one will ever read. He's not a writer, though. [rueful smile]

Angie

PS -- And I just found that comment editing doesn't let you change which account you post under. :P

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[info]alea_nano
2007-11-11 04:42 pm UTC (link)
Exactly. Someone reading is helpful and motivating, but not enough to make you write if you don't want to write.

And millions of unwritten words are practise, tell him, for the few that people do get to read :)

PS: yeah, I've tried that. At the moment I'm pretty much always signed in as this though.

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[info]angienano
2007-11-11 04:47 pm UTC (link)
I'm always signed in too -- the question is on which account. [facepalm] I've been constantly logged in with two accounts -- my regular account and my pro writing account, on two different browsers. Now it's November, though, so I have this NaNo account too. I've been logged in on my regular account reading my Flist there. I'm done now so I can just log in here, but I know that as soon as I do I'll get a flurry of comments here on this account.... [laugh/flail] It's just one of those things. Maybe I need to go dig up Explorer so I can have three browsers open at once...? :P

Angie

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[info]alea_nano
2007-11-11 05:00 pm UTC (link)
*g* That does sound confusing! I have pretty much exclusively been signed in on my nano account because I don't want to be distracted. I get far fewer comments on here (most of them are you responding to my comments on your nano or you commenting on mine), and a much shorter flist which is manageable when I'm supposed to be writing fiction, not comments. Really I should disconnect from the internet, but I don't.

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[info]angienano
2007-11-11 05:04 pm UTC (link)
We have DSL so I'm always connected. The only question is whether I have a browser open. I've tried closing my browsers while I write, but then inevitably I'll need Google or whatever for some piece of info, and while I'm there I might as well check e-mail, and my blog reader shows me how many of the blogs I follow have been updated since I last checked, and.... [facepalm] It's hopeless, seriously. :)

Angie

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[info]alea_nano
2007-11-11 05:09 pm UTC (link)
Ah, I'm always connected too. But technically I could turn the AirPort off, so it can't find the connection. I don't, but I could. :) As you can see, I write with my email open, and so respond when I have a new comment or reply. Train of thought? What's that?

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[info]angienano
2007-11-11 05:17 pm UTC (link)
LOL! Me too. I have a Firefox window open that gets comment e-mail from this account and my main account, and a Netscape window that gets e-mail from my pro writing account. Not much there, but a bit; depends how the chat is going at Torquere_Social and at some of the other Torquere writers' journals.

Angie

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[info]liriel1810
2007-11-12 07:33 am UTC (link)
I guess you could put the Molani language in italics, like people sometimes do when they're writing LOTR stories.

I'd sort of figured that was R/A's plan, but then he couldn't SEE Tochi in Bayon's room, so I was wondering if the priests had been there first.

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[info]angienano
2007-11-12 07:36 am UTC (link)
The thing is, though, that if we're in Luka's POV, he doesn't understand Pilen so having it understandable to the reader, whether in italics or not, would be a POV glitch. :/

I'm starting Chapter Four now and I'm strongly considering going back eventually and rewriting Chapter Three, and just having the whole story (except for Chapter One) be in Arden's POV. [chewing on thumbnail] We'll see.

Angie

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[info]liriel1810
2007-11-12 07:43 am UTC (link)
That's true. It really is a dilemma when you're dealing with other cultures and languages in your story.

I think it would probably work if you had chapter 1 from Luka's pov, then 2 and 3 from Arden, then, depending on what you're writing of course, you could go back to Luka's pov in 4.

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[info]angienano
2007-11-12 08:07 am UTC (link)
Except Chapter Four is in Arden's POV, and it's working well that way, so.... [laugh/flail] And I'm sufficiently anal about structure that if I'm going to switch at all, I want it to be in some sort of regular pattern, and not just all whenever-I-feel-like-it, which always makes my teeth itch. :P

I'm thinking more and more that I'm going to stick with Arden's POV.

Angie

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[info]liriel1810
2007-11-12 08:09 am UTC (link)
With the exception of Chapter 1? Although really, that's more of a prologue, right? At least if you tell the story from Arden's POV, you won't have the language problem because he speaks both. *nods*

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[info]angienano
2007-11-12 08:11 am UTC (link)
With the exception of Chapter 1? Although really, that's more of a prologue, right?

Exactly. [nod] And if I do decide to make it all in Arden's POV, then I will go back and call Chapter One a Prologue, and re-number everything. That's easy enough.

Next chunk is up. :)

Angie

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[info]liriel1810
2007-11-12 08:13 am UTC (link)
yay! I'm just about to post chapter 12 of mine... will read as soon as I've done that.

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[info]sarkka2
2007-11-11 01:47 pm UTC (link)
Eeeeppp ! Very nasty situation with Luka, I was afraid he was gonna take a bite of Arden LOL.

Can't wait to see what's happened with Tochi

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[info]angienano
2007-11-11 02:55 pm UTC (link)
Luka came very close to taking a bite of Arden. :D

And you'll find out what's happened to Tochi (sorta) within a couple of paragraphs, tomorrow night.

Angie, hiding under her keyboard

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[info]illuminated_sin
2007-11-13 12:26 pm UTC (link)
OMG OMG OMG

::runs to next chunk of story::

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[info]angienano
2007-11-13 05:32 pm UTC (link)
So this is why you waited to read! LOL!

Angie, dashing off after you

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